Monday, February 4, 2013

Finding Balance: Our Challenge as Women

There is generally no shortage of material to talk about when first meeting with a client. The first session is a time for each of us to get to know each other, see if we are a good fit, and discuss how we might work together. In addition to talking about what brings the client in, we discuss her eating, sleeping, working, exercise, and relationships- as well as what she does for fun, what medications she is taking, how she nourishes herself, and where she turns for support. Whew! That's a lot! It's important to touch on these inter-related areas of a person's life so that together we can work holistically to address how each of these pieces combines to create a whole picture of our lives at a given moment.

My areas of focus as a counselor are women's issues and challenges and treating psychological trauma. Sadly, these areas still go hand-in-hand, as anyone who watches the news can understand. As women, we continue to ask so much of ourselves- to balance family, school, career, our physical health and appearance- and yet many of us are not feeling fulfilled. So, what gives? How do we find balance among seemingly impossible standards- not to mention a troubled economy (did I say still suffering from a double standard)? We must realize that our well being depends on our willingness to continually assess and re-assess the quality of our lives and take action when things get out of whack.

I'll give you some examples: when our health, relationships, or work suffer- or, heaven forbid, all of the above- we know that some re-adjustments are in order. This can begin with becoming aware of what it actually is that we desire. What kind of lives do we want to create for ourselves? I believe that we all want to be safe, happy, healthy, and loved. The details of this change from person to person.

For many of us, first steps towards creating the lives that we desire include learning how to really care for ourselves and trust in our own health and healing. This might mean carving out the time and energy to get more physical movement and pleasurable activity into our days and weeks. Or, it might mean finding the peace of mind to remember to take deep breathes when we're feeling stressed, reminding our bodies and minds that we can calm down- that "this" is not a threat to our survival, as our nervous systems can sometimes misinterpret. The number of ways that we can take care of ourselves is infinite. Each of us must find sustainable ways of taking care of ourselves- that is, ways that work for us.

Why aren't we doing this stuff already, taking better care of ourselves? Why does it seem so easy to forget that we deserve our own love and compassion? There seems to be an epidemic of distrust in our society- of ourselves and of others- which keeps us in a state of fear and frenzy. I recognize that living wages and even safety are in short supply for far too many of us. And, at the same time, I believe that there is no shortage of good will out there. There is enough compassion to go around. We have only to tap into it.

Talking with someone is a great way to begin your healing journey, whether with a counselor or trusted friend. Change is inevitable- and our health and happiness is on the line... So, let's reflect on our lives. Remember to breathe. Realize what it is that we desire. And, figure out first steps to get there...


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