Inner Advising

Last week, my husband and I returned from our honeymoon, one year after we shared our handmade wedding vows in the pristine rocky mountains with a few good friends. It was worth the wait to go on the honeymoon we wanted.

Towards the end of the trip, I came down with a nasty headache, upset stomach, and fatigue- feeling terrible on my honeymoon! And, it hit me- you know all that relaxation stuff you do with your clients? You need it, now!

So, I let my hubby wander down the many steps from our jungle cabin to yoga alone, laid down on the big white bed under the mosquito net canopy, and gently kindled the intention to relax and free up some healing energy for my self. Intuitively, I was drawn to an inner "resource development" exercise from my counselor's tool box.

It was time to summon my inner advisor...  In this particular process, we are invited to conjure up a figure we associate with nurturing and support....

I let myself slow down, deepen my breathing, and open my mind and heart. An image of myself at a  much younger age came to mind. This baby girl was smiling and laughing, throwing her hands up in the air on big white bed of her own in a light filled room. Maybe the image comes from a distant memory or family photograph. It doesn't matter. This little girl was truly happy just being there, being herself- the way only very young children can be! I was touched to see her!

See and be seen. It's what you want. It's what you need. I was in paradise with my partner but I had forgotten how to just be there myself! Having been with this little guru, for a time, my headache dissipated and I saw, smelled, tasted, heard, and felt everything in the world around me anew...

She is now available to me at any moment. Whenever I want or need her sweet presence, reminding me to just be myself and enjoy being in the world! You are welcome to summon your own inner advisor when you think it would be helpful- staying with the activity for as long as you want to, making it as vivid as you desire. What message does your inner advisor have to share with you? Only you know.

You are the remedy and you hold the answers.

We Want To Live In A World...

We want to live in a world where... How would you complete this sentence? What kind of relationships, families, neighborhoods, and communities do we want for ourselves and others? As part of counseling, I often do some envisioning work with clients. Looking ahead to the people we want to become and the kind of lives we want to create can be extremely useful in helping us get there.

All of us come into the world with a mix of nature and nurture that gives us a unique set of core beliefs about ourselves and guides our thoughts and behavior. Some of us received more love and attention in our families than others and we adapted accordingly. That's okay. Wherever you're starting from is great because change generally begins with noticing where we're coming from!

Think back to the formative events in your life. What messages might they have conveyed to you about yourself? Maybe you learned that you're not important or it's not okay to show your emotions and now you'd like more intimacy and sharing in you life. I have a helpful list of beliefs that I use with clients to help us discover the often times unconscious bunch of beliefs that impact our experience.

Often times, we feel most anxious when we're already in the midst of inner change. Things becomes easier as we let our values direct our decisions rather operating from the perspective of past experiences- particularly if our past experiences left us unhappy. Sometimes we don't have a clue how to move forward and that's okay, too. You're the only one who can figure it out!

Who do you want to become? Just imagining puts you on the road to getting there.

Cultivating Abundance in the Age of Inequality

Are new age beliefs such as cultivating an attitude of abundance and concrete activism mutually exclusive? Leaders such as Martin Luther King Jr. and Mahatma Gandhi suggest that having both makes the most effective change-maker.

My hometown of Athens, Georgia sure could use some abundance, right now. I remember coming across this article  about Athens' poverty rate during my final year at Naropa University and getting all fired up. If I was going to become a helper, I wanted to become a helper in my home community.

I was lucky enough to obtain a position at The Banyan Tree Center, where I am happy to report that I love what I do. And, I'm still aware of my desire to get involved in larger community building efforts. So, my eyes and ears are open to who is already having a positive impact and how I might lend a hand.

Gandhi said, "poverty is the cruelest form of violence;" we can change this.

Here are some folks who are already doing big things:

Community Connection
Project Safe
The Cottage
Athens Health Network

How can we be the change we wish to see in the world?

Sometimes It's Good to Tune Out

With so many rapidly changing headlines, images, and soundbites and so many instantaneous ways to access them- from Facebook, to Twitter, to Tumbler- you name it!- it can feel impossibly hard to stay caught up! To say nothing of the dishes, pet hair, and/or bills that may or may not be piling up...

And, it's good to be able to follow the news! We're here to change things for the better and communicate with each other. But, with more outlets than ever before to stay abreast of the latest and greatest, what are we to do when part of us feels compelled to read as many articles as possible, regardless of the tension in our bodies? Well, remembering to breathe is always a good start!

What comes next is whatever works for you. To stay sane, we must make a habit of continually checking in with our bodies and minds to maintain, restore, or find balance in our busy lives. It used to be as easy as locking the door and unplugging the telephone. Nowadays, it can feel a little harder to take a moment for ourselves.

Or, is it? How can we make this global culture we are citizens of work for us instead of feeling overwhelming? We can pick and choose what and when we pay attention to the news. When we're tense and nervous, triggered and tired, it may be a good time for a comedy- or unplugging from the media! When we're feeling unmotivated, maybe tuning into a free online guided meditation would be useful.

With the world at our fingertips, it is perhaps more important than ever to be thoughtful about what we give our attention. The beauty of being human is that we are capable of caring deeply- but our very nature also requires that we take a breather every now and again to maintain optimal health. I'm suggesting it's beneficial to let the news pass us by sometimes! It will still be there when we return.

Soothing Back to School Jitters

You know that nervous feeling in the pit of your stomach before the first day of school? Does that anxiety ever go away? Not according to the students, teachers, and parents I know. What about the anxious dreams about showing up unprepared- and being trapped to endure our out-of-control fate? There's something about back-to-school that's exciting, nerve-racking, and new- every time.

What if we approached each day with the same nervousness? Whew! It'd be nerve-racking. Thankfully, there seems to be a time limit on how long we can experience full-fledged anxiety. When we feel highly overwhelmed and helpless, we go into fight, flight, or freeze mode. Our survival kicks in. Energy is diverted from our "unnecessary" systems, such as digestion, as we prepare to move quickly!

The same is true when we relax. Our body's feedback loop moves both ways. Try this. Take a deep intentional breath in, breathing in for three to five counts, fully expanding your chest and belly, pausing naturally at the top of the in-breath, and exhaling, slowly and fully. Feel your body and the world of sensation occurring there in this very moment. Gently and easily scan your body from head to toe.

Simply shifting gears by taking deep breathes and turning our attention towards our bodies, where we can begin to notice and release any tension stored there, sends a message to our mind that all is well. We're safe, now. Everything's fine and our energy is free to flow naturally. We don't know what the next moment will bring but our lives unfold moment by moment so feeling safe now is everything.

Trying to relax is a hard thing to do! We can't force it but we can relax naturally when we practice taking deep breaths and giving compassionate attention to ourselves- releasing our innate healing abilities. So, go ahead, take a deep breath- whether or not you've got your homework done! It can only free up energy, making you better able to respond to whatever comes up next...

Happy back to school! May we make all A's in the school of life!

Changing Skies Ahead

There is is flash flood warning for our area of Georgia tonight. There was a severe storm warning last night. And, there have been countless other warnings before that. It seems to rain and storm every day here, lately, with rainfall in the multiple inches some days. 

The doors of our house are swollen shut, making it difficult to open and close them. The garden is soggy. Our roads are flooded in places. The list goes on. What do you think of this weather? Does it seem unusual to you? How is all of this rain affecting your life?

All of these gray and stormy afternoons get me to thinking about how we're all connected with Mother Nature and each other. No one lives in complete isolation. We're each part of something bigger, even when we're alone. No one knows what the next season will bring but climate change sure seems to be happening. So, what does this mean for us? We have to take note and adjust accordingly to survive severe weather-  internally or externally. 

When things feel out of whack, when our sense of balance is thrown off- either by storms or sobbing- we tend to go into survival or fix it mode quickly and naturally. The unknown is uncomfortable for us creatures of habit! But, significant distress doesn't have to signal disaster. Instead, it can signal our need to shift things for the better. Easier sad than done.

One thing that helps is to have an anchor or regulating resource for when the going gets tough. If you're not sure what calms you down, remember, you are the only one who can find that out. Be encouraged by this fact. By experimenting with different ways to self-sooth, you will truly be the expert of your own life and able to practice what works!

I hope that we find ways to stay afloat amongst this changing climate together. Change will keep coming. Let's breathe deep, get creative, and get through this together. You can start by discovering what helps keep you sane. One small change can have a big impact.

Are You A Feminist?

Ah, the dreaded question. The word conjures up negative connotations. And, let's face it, it sounds harsh. But, feminist is not a dirty word or a bad thing. Unless you want to turn back the hands of time, caring about women and other people who are oppressed is the way to go.

Today's feminism is all about empowerment- and not just of women but of all disenfranchised folks. Ending violence against women continues to be a central theme- and also an understanding of the interconnectivity of all oppressions, in which the so-called isms (ie classism, heterosexism, racism) combine to make some of us more vulnerable to oppression than others.

Why care about women and other people who are marginalized? I tend to think we are all important and equally worthy of being in the world just as we are, without the threat of violence.

According to a report hot off the presses from the World Health Organization, more than one in three women worldwide have experienced physical or sexual abuse. The report goes on to suggest why: "The authors describe a number of factors that likely contribute to high levels of violence against women, including economic factors, social norms that support male dominance over women, cultural acceptance of violence against women, and gender inequality in access to wages and education." Interconnectivity of oppressions. 

Why am I writing about this? Contemporary feminism is a wellness based do-it-yourself approach to happiness. As far as counseling goes, an empowering approach is key- regardless of what you call it! You are the expert of your own life and you'll know if it's helping.

Here are a few fun and empowering reads in case you're hungry for more (and my apologies for the formatting errors- blogger seems to be acting up):

Deal with It! A Whole New Approach to Your Body, Brain, and Life as a gURL

By Esther Drill, Rebecca Odes, and Heather McDonald

→ A better way to learn about the birds and the bees.

Cunt: A Declaration of Independence
By Inga Muscio
→ Candid, funny, and fresh views on traditional feminist issues.

Our Bodies Ourselves

By the Boston Women’s Health Collective

→ Classic text from the second wave of the women’s movement- all about women’s health.

Full Frontal Feminism: A Young Woman's Guide to Why Feminism Matters

By Jessica Valenti

→ Making feminism cool, again.

BUST Magazine

→ “With an attitude that is fierce, funny, and proud to be female... BUSTing stereotypes about women since 1993.”

The Gender Book

www.thegenderbook.com

→ This e-book is free to download (at the moment)!

Whatever you do, have fun!