What defines you? It's a great time to ask ourselves this potent question as we step into the beginning of a new year. Those of us who have been through a trauma or traumas sometimes feel that who we are is defined in a limiting way by what happened to us. We may have difficulty imagining a happy future- or a future at all.
Healing from trauma can feel daunting but it is possible. In facilitating groups in an emergency shelter, community outreach center, in jail, and in private practice, I've found that it can be easier to find what works for us in a group setting with the support of other women. For this reason, I will be offering a counseling group for women impacted by trauma at The Banyan Tree next month.
I want trauma survivors to know that you don't have to go it alone. Whether we choose to try out a group, pick up a book, reach out to a trusted friend or relative, or tune into a healing program, you can find support. We can turn trauma into growth and resilience. It does not define who we are. We are much bigger than that.
(Details of the counseling group will be posted as they are finalized.)
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Thursday, December 19, 2013
An Invitation to Retreat
The shorter days and cold weather of winter invite us to retreat, take stock of what's happened, contemplate change, and emerge with newfound energy and focus. That's what I'm planning to do- hopefully with a weekend in the mountains of North Georgia. No matter what, I will create some solo time and space to cultivate the seeds of life within me. I'm not referring only to the literal seeds of life some of us carry but the spiritual or transpersonal side of ourselves, as well. We are ripe with potential.
The business of life often distracts and disconnects us from our personal hopes and dreams. If we wish for something different, we must make time to envision it. Envisioning work is quite fun. What kind of relationships do you desire for yourself? What kind of community? Career? World? It's essential to do this powerful imagining work because we live in a world that's far from perfect. If we don't imagine a better world for ourselves, who will? This is the first step towards creating it.
Fellow local counselor and writer, Baraka Elihu, highlights the importance of retreat in her book, Birthing Ourselves Into Being, likening it to the third trimester of pregnancy. It is a time to align our inner worlds with the outer transformation about to take place. By taking time to lay the groundwork for the next chapter of our lives, we allow for a smoother transition. A retreat is any place where you can hear your inner voice, steadying and centering yourself before stepping out on the journey.
Only you know what you need to do to prepare yourself for the next stage of your life. How can you make space to tune into the beginnings of change brewing inside of you? What will give you a sense of comfort during this important time? Perhaps there are muses you can look to- real or imagined- for a source of support. Maybe you'll find guidance in the natural world. Change can be disorienting but this natural experience leads to an inner transformation. Let it be one that you desire.
The business of life often distracts and disconnects us from our personal hopes and dreams. If we wish for something different, we must make time to envision it. Envisioning work is quite fun. What kind of relationships do you desire for yourself? What kind of community? Career? World? It's essential to do this powerful imagining work because we live in a world that's far from perfect. If we don't imagine a better world for ourselves, who will? This is the first step towards creating it.
Fellow local counselor and writer, Baraka Elihu, highlights the importance of retreat in her book, Birthing Ourselves Into Being, likening it to the third trimester of pregnancy. It is a time to align our inner worlds with the outer transformation about to take place. By taking time to lay the groundwork for the next chapter of our lives, we allow for a smoother transition. A retreat is any place where you can hear your inner voice, steadying and centering yourself before stepping out on the journey.
Only you know what you need to do to prepare yourself for the next stage of your life. How can you make space to tune into the beginnings of change brewing inside of you? What will give you a sense of comfort during this important time? Perhaps there are muses you can look to- real or imagined- for a source of support. Maybe you'll find guidance in the natural world. Change can be disorienting but this natural experience leads to an inner transformation. Let it be one that you desire.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
My Approach
My approach is eclectic! Just as each of us is unique, what helps you may be different than what helps me. So, the most important thing is getting to know you! In every case, I seek to use what works- that is, what studies have shown to be effective or what is evidence-based. Some methods I draw upon are:
The number one ingredient in effective counseling, which has been proven time and again, is the quality of the relationship between counselor and client. For this reason, it's hugely important to come in and meet with a counselor and see what it feels like. You deserve a powerful connection to help in your healing work. In order to get the most out of counseling, finding the right fit is key.
Seeing as it is the second week of December, I want to wish you a holiday season full of the best kind of gifts- whatever it is you're wanting and needing from yourself, others, and life at this particular time. I'm wishing for our safety, happiness, and health- exactly when we need it most. Be well!
- Mindfulness
- Guided imagery
- Grounding or Centering
- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
- Expressive Arts
- Gestalt Therapy
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
- Bibliotherapy
- Seeking Safety
The number one ingredient in effective counseling, which has been proven time and again, is the quality of the relationship between counselor and client. For this reason, it's hugely important to come in and meet with a counselor and see what it feels like. You deserve a powerful connection to help in your healing work. In order to get the most out of counseling, finding the right fit is key.
Seeing as it is the second week of December, I want to wish you a holiday season full of the best kind of gifts- whatever it is you're wanting and needing from yourself, others, and life at this particular time. I'm wishing for our safety, happiness, and health- exactly when we need it most. Be well!
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Thanks Giving
I recently shared an article I stumbled across on my professional facebook page entitled "10 Simple Things You Can Do Today That Will Make Your Happier, Backed By Science." Research shows that giving thanks is good medicine for our mental health; this is especially important this time of year, as we are naturally called upon to share our gratitude with each other.
Take stock of all you have- and activate your innate healing abilities- with this list, specially designed with giving thanks in mind...
1. Keep a journal of things you're grateful for- share with others for extra effect!
2. Go out of your way to express your appreciation when others help you- thankfulness is contagious!
3. Reach out to someone who has helped you through a difficulty in your life and share your gratitude- be specific for best results!
4. Take note of what's not going wrong, right now- maybe there's even a blessing in disguise!
5. Make your own personal gratitude mantra: Less Stressed, More Blessed! Gratitude, Not Attitude! What works for you?
6. Plan a meal to invite people over and invite each of your fellow diners to share one thing they're thankful for with each other.
7. What does it look like to be truly thankful? Integrate this image into your experience, painting, drawing, collaging, or a taking a picture of it!
8. Who embodies gratitude to you? Let yourself draw from all figures and from all times. What message do they have to share with you? Document as you desire!
9. Contemplate what it would be like to be feeling truly grateful, right now. Breathe in this curiosity. See what happens!
10. Does reading this list reek of cheesiness to you? Make your own gratitude ritual that feels right to you- these are the most effective!
As I write this list, I'm aware of much injustice in our world. People are hurting, right now, yet there is also much to be thankful for. We each have both pain and joy in our lives. Our wellbeing depends on our ability to allow both sides of experience- even as we work to create a more just world for all.
Wishing you a bright holiday season! May you share your one-of-a-kind light with others, making memories that bring a smile! I am thankful for each and every one of our unique gifts!
Take stock of all you have- and activate your innate healing abilities- with this list, specially designed with giving thanks in mind...
1. Keep a journal of things you're grateful for- share with others for extra effect!
2. Go out of your way to express your appreciation when others help you- thankfulness is contagious!
3. Reach out to someone who has helped you through a difficulty in your life and share your gratitude- be specific for best results!
4. Take note of what's not going wrong, right now- maybe there's even a blessing in disguise!
5. Make your own personal gratitude mantra: Less Stressed, More Blessed! Gratitude, Not Attitude! What works for you?
6. Plan a meal to invite people over and invite each of your fellow diners to share one thing they're thankful for with each other.
7. What does it look like to be truly thankful? Integrate this image into your experience, painting, drawing, collaging, or a taking a picture of it!
8. Who embodies gratitude to you? Let yourself draw from all figures and from all times. What message do they have to share with you? Document as you desire!
9. Contemplate what it would be like to be feeling truly grateful, right now. Breathe in this curiosity. See what happens!
10. Does reading this list reek of cheesiness to you? Make your own gratitude ritual that feels right to you- these are the most effective!
As I write this list, I'm aware of much injustice in our world. People are hurting, right now, yet there is also much to be thankful for. We each have both pain and joy in our lives. Our wellbeing depends on our ability to allow both sides of experience- even as we work to create a more just world for all.
Wishing you a bright holiday season! May you share your one-of-a-kind light with others, making memories that bring a smile! I am thankful for each and every one of our unique gifts!
Friday, October 18, 2013
Women of Many Colors
Daughter. Sister. Wife. Friend. Counselor. Able-bodied. Cis-gender. White. American citizen. These are just a few words that could be used to describe me. These labels only represent our best attempt to capture the infinite complexity of who we are. What about you? What words describe yourself? What do you think of labels?
No two of us are born into this world with the same DNA and no two of us have the same experience. We all posses differing amounts of power and privilege based on the circumstances we were born into. I have faith that most of us desire a more just society for all. We're not there, yet. But, it's the only direction I can see us heading!
No matter where we are, our families, cultures, and communities teach us who we are and who we ought to be. Sometimes, pieces of us don't fit that mold. As girls, we might try and push our anger, athleticism, or ability to do algebra away. Guys might deny themselves their feelings. But, it's painful when parts of ourselves are rejected.
Your whole experience is welcome here! There might be issues in your life that you're on the way to outgrowing, relationships or old habits that no longer fit. You are free to shed them, making room for even more of who you really are to blossom. Still closer to the woman you wish to become. The time to bloom simply comes.
I am a woman of many colors. My life has been full of moments of contradiction. How can it not be with all of the mixed messages handed down to us?
When things get out of balance, it's time to gather ourselves up, practice some self- acceptance, and watch as our problems become smaller. I invite you to take yourself as you are, in all your moments of contradiction. There is no box big enough to hold you. No one else exactly like you! The world is waiting patiently to see what unique gifts, talents, strengths, insights, and perspectives you have to share...
You were born in many colors. Not just two dimensions.
No two of us are born into this world with the same DNA and no two of us have the same experience. We all posses differing amounts of power and privilege based on the circumstances we were born into. I have faith that most of us desire a more just society for all. We're not there, yet. But, it's the only direction I can see us heading!
No matter where we are, our families, cultures, and communities teach us who we are and who we ought to be. Sometimes, pieces of us don't fit that mold. As girls, we might try and push our anger, athleticism, or ability to do algebra away. Guys might deny themselves their feelings. But, it's painful when parts of ourselves are rejected.
Your whole experience is welcome here! There might be issues in your life that you're on the way to outgrowing, relationships or old habits that no longer fit. You are free to shed them, making room for even more of who you really are to blossom. Still closer to the woman you wish to become. The time to bloom simply comes.
I am a woman of many colors. My life has been full of moments of contradiction. How can it not be with all of the mixed messages handed down to us?
When things get out of balance, it's time to gather ourselves up, practice some self- acceptance, and watch as our problems become smaller. I invite you to take yourself as you are, in all your moments of contradiction. There is no box big enough to hold you. No one else exactly like you! The world is waiting patiently to see what unique gifts, talents, strengths, insights, and perspectives you have to share...
You were born in many colors. Not just two dimensions.
Monday, October 14, 2013
Inner Advising
Last week, my husband and I returned from our honeymoon, one year after we shared our handmade wedding vows in the pristine rocky mountains with a few good friends. It was worth the wait to go on the honeymoon we wanted.
Towards the end of the trip, I came down with a nasty headache, upset stomach, and fatigue- feeling terrible on my honeymoon! And, it hit me- you know all that relaxation stuff you do with your clients? You need it, now!
So, I let my hubby wander down the many steps from our jungle cabin to yoga alone, laid down on the big white bed under the mosquito net canopy, and gently kindled the intention to relax and free up some healing energy for my self. Intuitively, I was drawn to an inner "resource development" exercise from my counselor's tool box.
It was time to summon my inner advisor... In this particular process, we are invited to conjure up a figure we associate with nurturing and support....
I let myself slow down, deepen my breathing, and open my mind and heart. An image of myself at a much younger age came to mind. This baby girl was smiling and laughing, throwing her hands up in the air on big white bed of her own in a light filled room. Maybe the image comes from a distant memory or family photograph. It doesn't matter. This little girl was truly happy just being there, being herself- the way only very young children can be! I was touched to see her!
See and be seen. It's what you want. It's what you need. I was in paradise with my partner but I had forgotten how to just be there myself! Having been with this little guru, for a time, my headache dissipated and I saw, smelled, tasted, heard, and felt everything in the world around me anew...
She is now available to me at any moment. Whenever I want or need her sweet presence, reminding me to just be myself and enjoy being in the world! You are welcome to summon your own inner advisor when you think it would be helpful- staying with the activity for as long as you want to, making it as vivid as you desire. What message does your inner advisor have to share with you? Only you know.
You are the remedy and you hold the answers.
Towards the end of the trip, I came down with a nasty headache, upset stomach, and fatigue- feeling terrible on my honeymoon! And, it hit me- you know all that relaxation stuff you do with your clients? You need it, now!
So, I let my hubby wander down the many steps from our jungle cabin to yoga alone, laid down on the big white bed under the mosquito net canopy, and gently kindled the intention to relax and free up some healing energy for my self. Intuitively, I was drawn to an inner "resource development" exercise from my counselor's tool box.
It was time to summon my inner advisor... In this particular process, we are invited to conjure up a figure we associate with nurturing and support....
I let myself slow down, deepen my breathing, and open my mind and heart. An image of myself at a much younger age came to mind. This baby girl was smiling and laughing, throwing her hands up in the air on big white bed of her own in a light filled room. Maybe the image comes from a distant memory or family photograph. It doesn't matter. This little girl was truly happy just being there, being herself- the way only very young children can be! I was touched to see her!
See and be seen. It's what you want. It's what you need. I was in paradise with my partner but I had forgotten how to just be there myself! Having been with this little guru, for a time, my headache dissipated and I saw, smelled, tasted, heard, and felt everything in the world around me anew...
She is now available to me at any moment. Whenever I want or need her sweet presence, reminding me to just be myself and enjoy being in the world! You are welcome to summon your own inner advisor when you think it would be helpful- staying with the activity for as long as you want to, making it as vivid as you desire. What message does your inner advisor have to share with you? Only you know.
You are the remedy and you hold the answers.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
We Want To Live In A World...
We want to live in a world where... How would you complete this sentence? What kind of relationships, families, neighborhoods, and communities do we want for ourselves and others? As part of counseling, I often do some envisioning work with clients. Looking ahead to the people we want to become and the kind of lives we want to create can be extremely useful in helping us get there.
All of us come into the world with a mix of nature and nurture that gives us a unique set of core beliefs about ourselves and guides our thoughts and behavior. Some of us received more love and attention in our families than others and we adapted accordingly. That's okay. Wherever you're starting from is great because change generally begins with noticing where we're coming from!
Think back to the formative events in your life. What messages might they have conveyed to you about yourself? Maybe you learned that you're not important or it's not okay to show your emotions and now you'd like more intimacy and sharing in you life. I have a helpful list of beliefs that I use with clients to help us discover the often times unconscious bunch of beliefs that impact our experience.
Often times, we feel most anxious when we're already in the midst of inner change. Things becomes easier as we let our values direct our decisions rather operating from the perspective of past experiences- particularly if our past experiences left us unhappy. Sometimes we don't have a clue how to move forward and that's okay, too. You're the only one who can figure it out!
Who do you want to become? Just imagining puts you on the road to getting there.
All of us come into the world with a mix of nature and nurture that gives us a unique set of core beliefs about ourselves and guides our thoughts and behavior. Some of us received more love and attention in our families than others and we adapted accordingly. That's okay. Wherever you're starting from is great because change generally begins with noticing where we're coming from!
Think back to the formative events in your life. What messages might they have conveyed to you about yourself? Maybe you learned that you're not important or it's not okay to show your emotions and now you'd like more intimacy and sharing in you life. I have a helpful list of beliefs that I use with clients to help us discover the often times unconscious bunch of beliefs that impact our experience.
Often times, we feel most anxious when we're already in the midst of inner change. Things becomes easier as we let our values direct our decisions rather operating from the perspective of past experiences- particularly if our past experiences left us unhappy. Sometimes we don't have a clue how to move forward and that's okay, too. You're the only one who can figure it out!
Who do you want to become? Just imagining puts you on the road to getting there.
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