Monday, January 14, 2013

The Rules to Grief? There Are None

My cat went missing over the weekend. We have done everything we can think of to help him make his way back home. And, as for now, we still have hope. But, the whole experience got me reflecting on how there are no rules to grief and loss. Our reactions are as individual as we are.

Elizabeth Kubler Ross famously popularized five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But, she was also quick to point out that we do not move through these stages in an orderly fashion. Oh, no. We humans are much messier than that. To quote the website:

"... people do not always experience all of the five ‘grief cycle’ stages. Some stages might be revisited. Some stages might not be experienced at all. Transition between stages can be more of an ebb and flow, rather than a progression. The five stages are not linear; neither are they equal in their experience. People’s grief, and other reactions to emotional trauma, are as individual as a fingerprint."

There are many things that we can do to help with our natural grief process. Counseling, talking with others, and taking care of ourselves all help in our healing. The key is giving ourselves the compassion we need after a loss.

As for my kitty- wherever he is- may he and all beings be safe, happy, healthy, and loved... Nothing in life is certain. We never know what the next moment can bring. All we can do is pay attention. And, respond kindly.


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